Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
