new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
