Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
