I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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