He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
