I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
