he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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