Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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