You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
