Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize