Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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