did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
