walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FUCK WHALES
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
