I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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