so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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