Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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