I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
