her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
