I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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