I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you win again, gameday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
