I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
