sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
