what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
