piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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