Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
