also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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