I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
