Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
