Everything about him screamed your future.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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