On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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