he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
