I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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