doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
