Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
