He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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