he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
