is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
