dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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