I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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