My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
