We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
