And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
