this beer tastes like vomit already
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
