I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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