ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
