I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
