i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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