Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
