just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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