Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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