cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
