I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
