God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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