chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
