guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
