the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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