I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
