Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
