this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
