I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize