you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
