she was so not down for the gang bang
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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