six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
