as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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