you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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