I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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