talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found puke in my bra..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize