GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
