why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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