Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
