just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
