it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
