Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
