i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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