i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
