OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
