I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
