I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
