You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
