Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
