I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
