Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize