ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
