but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
