oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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