actually, I'm a sock model
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
