just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i think my cat just said my name.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
