So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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