I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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