The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
