My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize