I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
