take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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