yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
