Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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