Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
