i don't like sucking hair
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
