He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
