Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
