i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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