I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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