I'm really into asian looking animals
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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