you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
